I always knew the government elite looked down their noses at NASCAR fans, but I had no idea they thought these fans literally carry a contagious form of red state rash. Due to this fear, the thought of attending races caused a group of fednecks to seek protection.
Recently, several Democrat House staffers were on a "fact finding mission" for the Department of Homeland Security. Apparently, part of this duty involves attending NASCAR races, beginning with one at Talladega just over a week ago. Democrats obviously feared that without immunization they'd be defenseless against a pox that can turn even the staunchest of liberals into Larry the Cable Guy in mere hours.
As a result, just in case, before going to the race, the staffers were immunized against hepatitis A, hepatitis B, tetanus, diphtheria and influenza. The hepatitis B was, of course, merely a precautionary measure just in case one of them accidentally had sex with Pamela Anderson.
The explanation of "this is what we do when going to any mass gathering" excuse is weak at best. I'll bet they wouldn't get immunized to go to any liberal equivalent of NASCAR. By that, I mean certain concerts and/or anti-war rallies where the marchers will kick your rotten head in if you're not pro-peace.
I've got news for these Democrats. Terrorists go for soft targets, and anybody who has ever been to a major speedway will tell you the last place those bent on doing harm to America and Americans will try to impose their will is at a NASCAR race – because once the crowd finishes with them the only thing Homeland Security will need in order to take said terrorists into custody is a Swiffer.
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